Let's start with this: there is one thing that you should please, please NOT do when you come here. It is, alas, the one and only thing that most tourists ever see of the Twin Cities: The Mall of America. Yeah, it's big. Frickin' enormous. That's about all it has going for it. We're actually not proud of it. Move along, nothing to see .

What are we proud of (in our stoic, pride-averse Midwestern way)? Well, our parks, food, and arts scenes, for starters. If you like to bike and you like good, cheap food, this is your town.

So, herewith, some specific things you should do. Note that I'm focusing mostly on Minneapolis, even though Saint Paul is an entirely worthy city in its own right, with plenty of things to see/do/eat; ditto some of the quirkier, historic suburbs, like Stillwater and Excelsior.

MUSEUMS
My favorite cultural landmark in Minneapolis is the Mill City Museum, housed in a sweet modern glass building hiding behind the facade of a burned-out mill. You've heard of Betty Crocker? The Pillsbury Doughboy? General Mills? Yeah, this is where they all started: on the Minneapolis riverfront, once the milling capital of the world. (Fun, related fact that you'll learn at the museum: Minneapolis was also the prosthetic limb manufacturing capital of the world. Let's just say the mills didn't have modern safety standards.)  The museum deftly tells the intersecting stories of the history of flour milling and the history of Minneapolis, with exhibits that provide both flash for kids and in-depth info for adults--it's seriously enthralling. All history museums should be as engaging (for all ages). And all museums should also have free brownies and cookies, offered here as an example of the end results of the milling process--that is, they're educational brownies. They're good for you! Did I mention this museum is awesome?

Like most big cities in, oh, the entire world, we have an excellent art museum with a vast collection of exquisite works from every era of every culture, ever. That would be the Minneapolis Institute of Arts, in the Whittier neighborhood. Yes, those collections are world-class and impressive--but no more so, honestly, than any other museum of its ilk. Have you already seen enough Ming Dynasty vases and Medici-funded Renaissance paintings in your lifetime? Yeah, me, too.  (MIA does have one huge attribute: it's free.)

If you really want something actually unique, head to the Walker Art Center for what is truly one of the world's foremost museums of modern art. The permanent collection offers a relatively compact but effective primer on modern art, from the abstract to the conceptual to the genuinely head-scratching. There's usually also some kind of epic exhibition featuring a big-name artist--recent shows include Kara Walker and Richard Price--or on some grand-but-slightly-offbeat theme, like suburbia.

Across the street from the Walker is the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, which you'll need at least an hour or two to really take in. The centerpiece work, "Spoonbridge and Cherry," by Claes Oldenburg and Coosje van Bruggen, has become one of the iconic sights of the city; be sure to snap the requisite shot of the sculpture with the downtown skyline in the background.

For more modern art, check out the University of Minnesota's Weisman Art Museum. You can't miss it: it's that building on the Mississippi that's unmistakably the work of Frank Gehry, all shimmery, shifting surfaces. Yes, your observation is correct, it does look just that museum in Bilbao, the one that made Gehry super-famous, except that WE HAD OURS FIRST, DAMMIT, MEANING THAT IF YOU HAD BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, WORLD, THE FAMOUS PHENOMENON WOULD BE THE "MINNEAPOLIS EFFECT." But nooo, you don't care that lil' ol' Minneapolis has interesting buildings; you only notice when it's exotic towns in foreign countries, and ... Um. Ahem. Where was I? Ah, yes: there's a museum. It's in a cool, funky building that was a bit before its time. And it happens to house a small but thoughtfully-composed collection of mostly-modern art.

Saint Paul has some good museums, too, namely the Children's Museum and the Science Museum. But, like the Minneapolis Institute of Arts, they're just not that different from similar institutions in other big cities. If you're here and you're looking for indoor activities with the kids (and you've already been to the more-interesting Mill City Museum and the more-free MIA), take 'em there--you'll have a fine time. But that's about the best I can say for them.


FOOD
This being Mill City and all, let's start with the baked goods. This is also Breakfast Territory. Yes, I'm aware that people elsewhere also eat a meal in the morning, but trust me, we take it more seriously. Maybe it's our farmer roots or the simple fact that when winter lasts for six months, ya gotta start eating early in the morning to really load up those calories. In any case, we're into breakfast, big-time. 

My favorite bakeries are A Baker's Wife's Pastry Shop and Rustica, both in south Minneapolis; Salty Tart, Isles Bun & Coffee, Sara Jane's, and Mel-O-Glaze are also solid contenders.

A Baker's Wife's Pastry Shop (4200 28th Avenue; 612-729-6898), near Lake Hiawatha, is the bakery you'd expect to find in a Norman Rockwell painting; it's a concentrated dose of Idyllic Small-Town America. The decor is kinda twee, the prices ridiculously low (50 cents for the best cake doughnut you will ever consume), the employees eager-to-please high-schoolers, the tables out front always filled with cheery families. Everything is super-buttery, meaning super-moist and super-delicious. Nothing fancy here--no weirdo flavors or fusion creations. Just old-school baked goods done to absolute perfection. If the chocolate croissants are still warm, do not, under any circumstances, pass them up. You can thank me later. (Side note: I have a mild obsession pain au chocolat in general and these versions in particular. At both my high school and college graduation parties, I skipped the cake and had a platter of ABWPS's masterpieces. On more than one occasion, I have engaged in long and not-entirely-cordial arguments about the merits of these croissants vs. others in town. I also spent multiple days in Paris tracking down the best chocolate croissants there, and must confess that they were exponentially better than anything I had consumed before, even better--forgive me, Gary--than ABWPS's sublime offerings, and, with their spray-all-over-your-shirt flakiness and crunchy-tender-gooey layers of texture and perfectly-proportioned butter-to-chocolate ratio, pretty much redefined my definition of bliss. The best chocolate croissant I have had in my research-filled life was, I will state for the record, at Gerard Mulot on the Left Bank. Someday I will write a Candyfreak-like book called ChocolateCroissantaholic. I will now close this parenthetical and command you to go forth and investigate for yourself.)

Rustica is a bit more yuppie, a bit more European, a bit more expensive--but still worth every penny. Highlights include the cinnamon rolls, which start with a dough that is flakier and butterier than most--it's almost like a particularly dense croissant dough--and get topped with an icing that is kind of the grown-up version of Pixie Stix: intensely, rapturously sugary. It might give you the shakes. Deal with it. Rustica also makes the best bread in town, including a baguette that has served as the canvas for most of my best-ever homemade sandwiches.

Many people claim that Isles Bun & Coffee has the best cinnamon rolls in town, and I won't scoff at that opinion. The frosting here isn't as transcendent as at Rustica, but it is goopier, and there's a vat of the stuff on the counter so that you can add extra if you'd like. The buns themselves are delicious, but dear God they're big--too big, in my opinion. Go with a friend so that you can split one.

Mel-O-Glaze and Sara Jane's are the places to get raised doughnuts (which A Baker's Wife doesn't sell). The former gets all the awards, which I chalk up to foodies' and critics' bias toward the south side of the city (Sara Jane's is in northeast--"Nordeast"--Minneapolis). Honestly, though, these doughnuts are serviceable but not fantastic--they don't measure up to the quality of all the other baked goods in town.  If someone were to open a genuinely good raised doughnut shop in Minneapolis, they'd make a killing. (Investors: call me! I have ideas!)

Actually, I did have one ridiculously good doughnut recently at Salty Tart in the stellar Midtown Global Market. It was technically a "brioche with pastry cream filling," but that translates to "twee French term for the awesomest cream-filled doughnut you've ever had." At $2.75, it was also one of the priciest doughnuts I've encountered. Still worth it. Unfortunately, they don't seem to have them all the time--this was the first time I've ever seen them for sale at Salty Tart.

Coming soon:

More food, because we cannot live on chocolate croissants alone (not that I'd object to trying). Also drinks.

Music

Theater

Lakes, trails, Parks

Architecture

Random other things to do