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SEP 7, 2006
TEN
ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATIONS FOR HAVING TWO EXTRA HOLES IN YOUR REAR*
- Tried to treat constipation with a Draino enema.
- Attacked by a blind vampire.
- Tried to do that trick where you lie on a bed of
nails and
have a friend smash a cinder block on your belly.
- Needed a place to store toothpicks.
- While drunk, attempted to show off trick throws with
darts.
- Wanted to join circus as “The Human Bowling
Ball.”
- Ran out of money for the metal studs after I got the
piercings.
- Needed more exit holes for my tapeworm.
- Was in barroom brawl and learned that “I’ll tear you
a new
one” is not just an idle threat.
- Kids, this is what happens when you hold in your
farts.
* The real explanation, of course, being perianal
fistulas, for which I had surgery yesterday (and I
am feeling much better, thank you). I forgot to ask what music
they were going to play, and I was under general anesthesia, so I was
unable to confirm my suspicions about Dr. Suave's musical
tastes.
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